It’s March and even though winter is waning, I’m home, sick with bronchitis. Sick days are a drag–you feel like crap, so even the supposedly free time is spent fending off fever, blowing your nose and finding some place in the house to get comfortable. After a couple of days, I went to the doctor, who diagnosed me with said bronchitis. She was a nice lady, and we talked a bit about what I do.
“I have three daughters in college…do you think you could help them figure out what they want to do with their lives? I would love for them to talk to you!”
I get this a lot. I mean, A LOT. It isn’t just parents with kids, it’s the parents themselves. It seems even grown-ups aren’t always sure what they want to be when they grow up. These kinds of conversations have been taking place for over 10 years in all sorts of places. My husband is with me quite a bit when this happens and is familiar with the sound of excitement in the voices of those who think they might have finally found a resource, someone with a map to the elusive road of satisfaction they so want for their work life, or the for the careers of their children.
While the doctor I saw clearly had a career in hand, and one she admitted she loved, what I wanted to tell her in the short time I had in the exam room was yes, I can help your daughters, but so can you. In doing my doctoral work, I came across some wonderful books that I think EVERY parent should read. That is, every parent who wants their kids to have a solid career path. Parents often think career guidance is coming from the schools (NOT!) and the majority of schools leave such things to the realm of parental influence–they just provide the education, not the broad range of necessary tools to ensure a smooth transition of that education into the working world (and this is as true of colleges as it is high schools).
Most parents I know aspire to have kids who not only move out of the house one day, but also have fulfilling jobs. And despite how children react, parents have a great deal of influence over their kids occupational pathways, beginning with the shaping of their occupational aspirations. Studies have shown that kids look to their parents as their primary source for occupational aspiration development up through sophomore and junior years in high school (then they are likely to look to teacher mentors or other similar role models). Parents are often shocked when they hear this. My teenager is paying attention to what I’m saying and doing?? Are you sure?? Yes. I am.
Here’s my basic philosophy about life, and it applies to career aspirations, too. We learn much of what we know in life through what has been modeled for us. Parents are often our most influential modelers; they model relationships, finances, family dynamics, politics…and careers. Besides the random career day in school, the closest most kids come to understanding the world of work is through their understanding of what their parents do. That said, it means that most kids have a very limited scope of understanding the possibilities of the world of work and how it may apply to them. I will talk more about how to expand that scope for your kids in later posts, but for now, I want to empower parents with some resources, some facts.
Here is an action step for the parent with aspirations for your their kids: Read the following books. Make your kids read them. DISCUSS THEM with your kids…don’t assume they are getting out of it what you are. Bottom line: kids are without solid transitioning mechanisms and the idea of entering the workforce with such little knowledge scares them. They will (most likely) welcome the conversation and information to help calm those fears and get them moving in the right direction.
Here are those books:
Becoming Adult: How teenagers prepare for the world of work by Barbara Schneider and Mihaly Cszikszentmihalyi
Beyond College for All: Career Paths for the Forgotten Half by James Rosenbaum
The Ambitious Generation: America\’s Teenagers Motivated but DIrectionless by Barbara Schneider and David Stevenson
These books don’t require a Ph.D. and are very accessible. (For those who don’t like statistics, just skip over the few charts and tables–the information is summarized in the text.) And after reading all of this really helpful stuff, if you aren’t sure how to start the conversation with your kids, just rip off the title of this post and ask them a simple question: what are your occupational aspirations? What do you want to do/be when you grow up? And frankly, it is never too early to ask the question and begin the dialogue.
And if you have already read these books, let me know what you thought or how you discussed them with your kids.
Everyday is Career Day 